Have you ever heard someone say Love is Blind? Have you ever realized you missed some pretty vivid red flags when you first started dating someone only to find yourself in love or stuck with someone who "needs" you? Have you ever felt like that person's happiness, success, or life was in the palm
Of your hands? Did you think you could actually help or change this person? Did you think you were what they needed? Maybe you thought if you just helped them get through this rough patch, things would get better? Or mAybe you thought if you kept them out of trouble, that next time they would make a better decision ? Or if u forgave them, they wouldn't do it again.
So I want you to "think" with me here for a minute because there seems to be a lot of that going on. Do you "think "that possibly you are telling yourself the way that things should be, and your mind could be playing tricks on you?
So now I want you to keep all
These things on your mind, and feel for me. How does it feel for someone to need you so much? How does it feel to tolerate rough patch after rough patch? How does it feel to " think" you are saving someone? How does it feel to forgive over and over and nothing ever changes? Well, in my experiences, I can't ever recall any of the above feeling good or right! I think some of us (myself included) misinterpret just how much we are suppose to help others. It was a bit of a shock to me when a wise woman once looked and me and said, "No is a complete sentence." I use to be the yes queen. Yes I'll raise your kid. Yes I'll pay your bill. Yes I'll loan you this money. Yes I'll work that volunteer shift. Yes yes yes!! It didn't feel right to do so much! I felt exhausted and pulled every which way, then I resented the people I said yes to when it was my own fault. All I had to do was say no. But I remember thinking.., what will they think if I say no? Then when I did say no I always had some drawn out pity party excuse so they wouldn't "think" bad of me! If I don't take care of myself, who else will? So I learned to say no if it didn't feel right or if I simply didn't want to do it. Friends that's ok too!!!! Helping others is a passion of mine, but I learned to find a balance that "felt" right.
And as for all the "thinking" I did to try and help, save, or change others I realized that "no" works there too!! Honestly, if I want my relationships to work, I can't be so needy neither can they. I don't need to go around doing things for grown men or women that they should do for themselves. I should never have prevented someone from a consequence they would Have gotten because guess what? If I'm always rescuing someone, how will they ever find their own way? Better yet, how can God do his work on them if I keep them tightly gripped in my hands? Truly loving yourself and truly loving someone else means letting go. It's the hardest thing in the world to do. But, trust me you just think you've got them. It's all an illusion. That's why it doesn't "feel" right. Let Go, say no, and Let God. If it's meant to be, it will be.
Now let's go back to those of us that didn't see the red flags. Why do you think we didn't see them in the first place? Well I'll tell you why... Because we most likely either needed to be needed or we needed Someone else. I don't give advice, but from my experience I found that the only way to be able to spot the red flags is to be happy and healthy with my life exactly as it is. To accept it is exactly how it's suppose to be. The key was letting God do the work on me before going out and finding someone waving a red flag to attempt it!! There is one person who I go to now. That happens to be the Man above. Whether u are healing from a bad break up, getting over a divorce, or maybe simply just grieving a life plan gone bad, I have no doubt that if you just hit the pain head on. Face it, feel it, cry, be mad, be sad, and just simply go straight through it. You will find yourself stronger, and guess what you will be red flag ready. When you see one, you will know it because it won't Feel right and all you've got to do is say one simple word... No! Of course unless it's the new frolic sale red flag! It's hard to say no to a that one! The good flags will flock to you and you will find the one that feels right!!! So get out of hit heads and feel good about your great life ahead of you.