Have you ever had a friend or maybe a child or sibling you knew was with the wrong person? You knew they deserved better? You couldn't stand the thought of them settling with this person? How did you handle it? Did you pray about it? Did you voice your feelings to them?
Now I want you to think about the time you wanted to date the "bad boy" in high school and your mom told you that you couldn't. What did that make you want to do even more? Did you find yourself wanting to prove her wrong? Did you find yourself trying to convince all your friends, your mother, and yourself he was indeed the best thing that ever happened to you? I am actually laughing as I type this. Why? Because my friends and dear old Dad can attest to me, myself, and I doing this very thing.
I can still remember a year In a half after my divorce, my friend who who was living in her perfect white picket fence happily married house told me I had no business dating. Really? So my kids were with me 24/7 except for the 2 days every other weekend they stayed with their dad and I had no business dating on those four days? I was suppose to just be alone until they were grown up according to her. I should have told her if I had no business dating, then neither did she and her husband have any business having a date night. My kids were with their father. Hers were with a sitter. My point here is... until you have walked in someone's shoes. Please keep your mouth shut in that way, Because we aren't going to listen to you.
My friend was absolutely right. I didn't have any business dating, but not for the reasons she argued. I had no business dating because it had only been a little over a year after my mom had died as I was getting a divorce. I never allowed myself to fully grieve the divorce. Now when I mean grieve, I don't mean just greiving the person. It is so much more than that. It was the idea of the life I was suppose to have. I had not accepted fully that my whole life plan had fallen apart and it clearly was not happening. I honestly thought this new guy just might give me back that life plan. Crazy!! Rescue me! That was absurd! Now keep in mind, In those ten months we dated only every other weekend. I didn't bring him around my kids. They were still new to the loss of their father in the house. I wasn't going to bring any man into their lives. Luckily, that dating disaster ended.
Here is where I had to get. I had to get to the place where I went through the pain, the hard stuff, the grief of the idea of the life I thought I should have. I had to learn how to be a single mom and figure out on my own how to do it. Then, I had to like it. Yes learn how to appreciate the good, the bad, and the ugly of my situation. As a New single parent, I could not ever replace the other parent nor should I try. First of all, I Didn't want my kids being involved in any of their dads or my rebound relationships. He got in one quickly so Luckily, we agreed on this. He didn't bring her around them for a while. She ended up being a blessing to my kids, but it was the right time for everyone.
I didn't think my Kids whose world had been shattered needed to be subjected to some replacement family right away. They too needed to grieve the family they lost as well. Children who grieve well, live well, and love well. Thank God I realized that.
A young widow recently made her way into my store. This is Someone I have wAtched and admired from a far for the last couple years. After Her husband died she spent a lot of time redefining her life. She focused on her kids and herself. They all got settled into their new life. They grieved the loss, and they grieved the loss of the idea of the family they lost. She found herself again.
She walked in the other day with a newfound smile on her face. She is dating again, and has met a nice guy. Now not that it matters what people think, but why do you think everyone is good with this? It isn't because he is some great guy, although that helps since he is. It has nothing to do with him At all. It is because everyone around her including me watched this beautiful young lady take what happened and go through it and get pAst it. She showed her kids how to heal and face the bad stuff. She got to the place where she was able to make the right choice because she found contentment in the loneliness, and found herself again. Whether you know it or not, we loose ourselves in these situations more times than not.
So here is what I know. My friend in that white picket fence happily married house just loved me and my kids. She didn't know what to say or how to say it. She just knew something wasn't right. The people who know us best simply know us best, but The only people who ever got through to me were the people who Reminded me to focus on me. They are the ones who loved me through all
My choices whether they were good or bad. A
The people who have changed my life are the ones who have actually walked in my shoes and shared their experiences with me. I learned a long time ago that if I wanted to be better, I had to Surround myself around better. Unless I am 100 % happy and content with my life, I have no business looking to add someone else to it. If anyone had told me this, I would have thought they were crazy, but God found a way to put people into my life to share with me how they did it. When he sends them, as he will in all kind of of ways, just listen to what they share, then begin to take a long hard look At yourself. If something is meant to be, it will Be. The best things in life can't be rushed. And don't ever forget... Mistakes are lessons, and if we never make them, we. Never learn. All We can do is live, love, learn, share, grow, and let others live!!