At the age of 15 when I had my first heartbreak, my Mom told me I should never need anyone to make me happy. She proclAimed that I was the only one in charge of my happiness. Others could add to it, but it was no ones responsibility but my own. Needless to say, it didn't sink in. Although the seeds were planted at that time, it took me years to figure this out on my own. I still struggle time to time.
Since then I have learned how toxic it can be to need and to be needed. Have you Ever had people in your life who only called you when they needed something? Or maybe you have been guilty of the same thing? Better yet, have you ever felt as if you couldn't survive without your significant Other? You felt as if you would die without them? You needed them
To be complete. Well, I have experience in all of the above and I cAn tell you first Hand, they are all bad places to be! A healthy relationship is about wanting someone in your life, not needing them. Needing someone puts expectations on another person that they may or may not be able to follow through with, Thus causing you to resent them or be upset that they didn't do what you needed them to do. And, when I allow someone to remain in my life who just needs me, then it is all
My fault when I get hurt because there is no way I can give them all
They need and they will go elsewhere looking for it. We all know those men who can't be faithful or the women who go From one guy to another. They need more than any one can give them, and these people will continue to hurt you as long as you let them. God is the only person who gives us all we need and to look to anyone else is going to disappoint us. We are all born with everything we need. I like to call
It the whole heart, but as life happens our hearts more often than not get hurt and we may find a hole. So we go out and look for what we can to fill it. It might be another person, a substance, an object, or money. We basically go looking for something on the outside to mend what's on the inside. When In reality, we have all that we need to patch it right up. God is the only one who can fill that hole for me. If you love someone with that same hole, there is nothing you can do to to fill it. There is no love any greater than what caused the hole, and until they do the inside work you are powerless to help them. If I could go back and tell my 15 year old self anything, it would be to settle for nothing less than to be wanted. Wait on the person who relies on God to supply their needs. Wait on the person who wants you because they simply enjoy being with you. Wait for the person who loves you for the happiness you add to their life not the happiness you bring to their life. I would tell that 15 year old that she will only attract this person when she is Herself capable of being that person for someone else. I would remind her that a whole heart is a healthy heart, and my friends a healthy heart is an inside job. God intends for us to have the best life he has to offer. Whole hearts attract whole hearts. So today I challenge you, if you are struggling with any of this to simply acknowledge you can't fill that hole, no one can fill that hole, but God can and he will.