Do you love me or the idea of me?


So a friend tells me how heartbroken he is over this girl he has been seeing that he loved so much, and he also tells me all about how wrong she did him and how much it hurt him. Then, I asked him one simple question..... What did you love about her? There is a long pause, followed by a longer pause, and he finally said to me I loved that I could trust her and that she loved me and we were together 2 years. So before you read ahead, I want you to think about that answer, then go a little deeper and tell yourself how you would answer this question about your current boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse? Then take it a step further and ask how would they answer the same question about you? And do either of you voice these things to one another? 
Got it? 
Now here comes my two cents worth on this subject. This is my opinion so take what you like and leave the rest.
The problem in his relationship and in so many relationships, many of my past ones included, we just want to be loved. We want a companion, and It is natural to want these things, for God means for us to have these things, but being loved is an inside job. It isn't about loving someone for what they can do for you, it should be about loving each other for who you are.  First, it requires loving yourself. If I love myself, then I am not looking to be validated or looking for someone to love me. I am
Looking for someone I can come to love and vice versa, not someone who just stays with me. This is two different things. There comes a time when you have to ask yourself, do I love the idea of the relationship? Or do I love this person? Am
I willing to accept this person exactly as they are? (BIG ONE) Or Am I trying to change them so we will be a better fit?? maybe I  am  just hoping that time will change things, or am i possibly settling so I'm not alone?  
I truly believe that the first few months of a relationship are the most important!!! Now this means, that to figure this stuff out, you must be on top of your Game!! Being on top of your game is the simplest thing to do. I didn't say easy!! I said simple!! It's Loving yourself friends!! It's Ali knowing your worth.  These are your best tools! If you love yourself and make yourself happy, you will attract and make better choices! You won't settle! 
I have this guy friend who was always quite the womanizer as a young man, and He said he knew that he could get exactly what he wanted from the girls who just wanted to be loved. All
He had to do was tell
Them what they wanted to hear, then boom he gets what he wanted. She in turn is flabbergasted because he never calls. Well it's because she wants to be loved, she needs to be validated, and he just wanted a good time. Shame On him by the way, but If she was doing that for herself, she wouldn't fall for his BS and she might actually attract someone whom she could come to love and vice versa.
So I challenge you today to look
At that special
Person in your life and decide, do I love them or the idea of them? Or do I just love them because they love me? Then, I challenge you to Go a step
Further if you truly love them for who they are, do you 
Tell them  all the things you love about them? Because  That should not be taken for granted. Then, do you  thank God above because you are with someone you truly love and accept? Celebrate because you have landed yourself in a healthy relationship, and  I would be willing to bet you love yourself. So gold star for you today!  
Now if you find yourself with someone you are hoping is going to wise up and love or marry you,  change their ways, become a better fit, blah blah blah. Or maybe u r with them because they appear to love you!  Do me a favor.... HALT!!! Look in the mirror. Tell yourself you are worthy of the good stuff life has to offer. Figure out why you are staying with this person? Why are you wasting your time on someone who obviously isn't capable of loving you the way you deserve to be loved, the way God wants you to be loved. Then, start learning how to love yourself. It's not as hard as it sounds. If you have problems, seek help! Be sure to forgive yourself for the past. You have been doing the best you could this far, but it can and will get better when you start asking God To guide you, and he will come through. God is the key to beginning to love yourself. Knock and the door will be opened. Ask and you shall receive. Seek and you shall find. In him lies all the love, validation, and approval you need.
I close with a verse in a song my uncle wrote years ago... It's a Long way from beginning to end and it helps if you are walking with a friend so let that friend be the man who walked the waters of Galilee. He will lead you down the crossroads and guide  you home safely. This way I have no doubt you will come across the one whom God intends you to find and live the life you deserve.! 


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