So I was recently having a deep conversation with one of my dearest, wisest, and most successful friends. She has a great marriage. Now this great marriage she has is just easy to see. She never posts about it or tells me about it. They just Iive it. She is grounded, happy, and has and will
Always be a good girl. She never slept around in college or got herself in any of those crazy situations where she needed some guy to validate her. She has always been a strong support of me and my kids as she was Also raised by a single mom. Now, if there was ever anyone that could get a pass for daddy issues it would be her. Her father left her, her brother, and her mother when she was very young, and he left them to go and raise another woman's family. This is what happens all too often. To make it even worse, she had a horrid stepmother who treated her terribly when she did visit. But, she had a strong mother. That mother gave them an amazing life. She worked hard, she was good at what she did and she gave them all they needed, Which included love, stability, and security. Now many times when things like this happen, years later the girl goes from jerk to jerk or the boy moves from woman to woman. Why? Well when you show children early on that special people are this easy to replace, many times the girls loose their worth and the boys think women are a dime a dozen. But I have decided it's really not about the parent or person that leaves, what matters most is the parent who stays, the parent they are with the most. This mother never remarried or dated much. She made sure her children got to play sports, had the latest and greatest fashion, and she made sure she did all the fun things that children should do. She never spoke Ill of their father. She didn't have to. Kids eventually figure it all out. There is no need to ever put them
In the middle of adult issues. The way I see it, if I choose to have kids with someone then their issues are my bad choices. Kids don't get to pick their parents, and newsflash... All kids love their parents regardless of their issues. So I do my best to Respect this!!
So one day last week, I was somewhat feeling sorry for myself as there are days this solo thing is harder than others. It hit me. I am just like her mother. I have given my kids that same love, stability, and security. I have shown my children that I am
Capable of supporting myself and the two of them as well. I have demonstrated integrity, strength, and shared my wisdom by simply living this life on lifes terms. I truly believe God did for me what I could not do many times. He has stepped in a lot!! I never wanted to be that Mom that brought men in and out of my kids lives. I never wanted to be the mom with a list of excuses as to why we were different. Because guess what? Our family may not be the Cleavers, but my kids have a mother that is there for everything, and they have a wonderful grandfather who has stepped up time and time again to help, support and love all
Of us. It has never been about who is missing in this family. It is about who is there and all the blessings we have. Sometimes we spend so much time focussing on what we don't have that we forget to recognize what we do. One healthy loving parent is better than two parents who have no reason to be together. The parent that stays, the parent that is there is the one they learn Most of it from.
So back to my friend. Her mom didn't jump from man to man. Her mom didn't look for someone to save them. Her mom was just there and did what she needed to do to raise a beautiful strong young woman. Some people are simply just luckier than others. I am not saying one should never remarry, But I am a strong believer in the power of learning how to love, support, and provide a life for yourself before you go looking for someone else to do it. My prayer for my kids is that one day they find their perfect match. That they find the right person for them, and they never have to go through the trials and tribulations a divorce brings. We all deserve that kind of love!! So think with me a minute about my friend.. How do you think she did it?? How did she end up with Mr.Right when she never saw two happy people live together? Well it's because of that strong single mother who never settled, that strong mother who didn't tell
Her child to be strong, she showed her how to be strong. Strong people attract strong people, and two strong people make one healthy loving marriage. Needing someone never seems to work out in the long run. Her story gives me hope, and it shows me the power one parent has! As always, this is the ramblings and thoughts of a single mom who has learned to love the life I am in. Take what you like and leave the rest!