Armor Up

I have chosen a new name for my blog and I am calling it The best of YOU theory. I have read all sorts of self help books, the latest dating advice blogs, and I’ve even read things that  claim to help you get Mr. Right to fall in love with you. I have learned a lot through such material, and it is  always entertaining. But here is the real deal, When I do meet Mr. Right I want him to meet the best me I can be. Why is this? Well because if I am the best me I can be, then I will attract someone else who is the best he he can be. Not to mention, I will not be susceptible to men who are not capable of being the kind of man I deserve. I think all too often we as women are too busy wanting someone to love and accept us, we fail to ask ourselves if we can really love and accept him? Some call this settling. People settle for all kinds of reasons. Sally Sue needs someone to spend weekends with, Fancy Nancy needs help with her bills and the finer things. Worry wart Wanda can’t seem to face life without a mans comfort. And don’t forget lonely Linda. She literally can’t go five minutes without a mans attention. There is not anything  wrong with any of these women or any of you for that matter. They want what they want, but there is a huge chance they are settling. I have a dear friend who I will call the dating guru. Now she didn’t start out as a guru. She started out like most of us. She didn’t understand men nor was she the best me she could be. So back then my guru got her a guru and that guru showed her the ropes exactly like she is doing for me, and lucky for you guys I’m going to share what I’ve learned. So what is hands down the most important thing she has taught me? Well, it is to define my value system. Now that sounds like an easy thing to do, and if you are like me, I thought I had a really good one. Newsflash.. I didn’t!  Now I did have some great morals and luckily I had parents who drilled it into my head that certain things were unacceptable. Fortunately after divorce I made the decision to never bring men in and out of my kids lives. I wasn’t going to put them in uncomfortable situations or situations that may or may not last so I haven’t. But to say I had a value system wasn’t accurate. Everyone’s value system is different. So I can’t tell you what to put in yours or how to do it, but I can tell You some of the most important things in mine. First and foremost I must be able to support myself physically, spiritually, and emotionally. I must be able to make myself happy and pay all my own bills. Why is this? BecAuse if I am not self supporting then I feel it diverts me from my primary aim. I may compromise my value system  because I am starving for some sort of support. In order for me to maintain those three avenues in life, I have to do things continually to keep me balanced. Some examples would be a support group, a church group or bible study, exerciae classes, and a JOB. Another part of my value system includes  how I love myself. If I am not capable of loving myself, hen how can I ever recognize if someone is really capable of loving me. Love isn’t just three words people. Love is an action and it is indeed a choice. When we choose to love someone and they choose to love Us, it will be obvious! Love is about acceptance. If you can’t accept someone exactly the way they are, then that’s conditional love not the real kind of love we all deserve! Yes him included. We deserve to be courted, pursued and taken out on dates. We deserve someone who will get to know us and vice Versa. Ladies, Any man that just wants you to come over and hook up isn’t what you deserve, and if you love yourself then you can and will recognize this! And yes I know he is hot, and I know u secretly hope this will give him the push to ask you out and call you the next day. But guess what? Any man who just Thinks of you as a booty call isn’t going to call or take you out. If that’s how little he thinks of you then maybe you need to re-evaluate how you feel about yourself. I can’t tell you how many girls have come in my store and told me a story just Like this and wonderful why he doesn’t call. Don’t feel bad. Just work on you!  You can’t go back and change anything in The past but you can work today on being the best you you can be! In defining your value system you are giving yourself some armor and protection . There are so many great men out there that can and will give you what you deserve but first dear sweet girl, be 100% sure you are able to give yourself all you deserve and the rest will fall into place. 

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