As my 44th begins...


I woke up today 44 years old, and I am
filled with so much gratitude. I have had an AMAzing weekend with friends and family. If you know me, you know that one of the ways to my heart is good food and tasty desserts. Therefore, my heart is extremely full. Knowing me, you also know I love to get dressed up for a night on the town, and I love for the night to include people I cherish. You also know that that it really doesn't matter where we go in order for it to be fun. It is safe to say, I can have a good time just about anywhere, whether I'm eating in a family owned sushi restaurant, at a fancy well known hot spot, in a hole in the wall, on the dance floor, or just simply hanging out on the couch in my joggers and favorite hoodie.
As my 44th year begins, I tend to look back over the last year. I believe some years are better than others, but every year is a building block to get you to the next. Every year is a gift from God whether that year includes hurt and heartbreak or love and joy. Fortunately for me, I can honestly say I have never had one full bad year. It's all
About perspective. Sometimes our worst nightmares can turn into our biggest blessings. For me, it is through the tough stuff I have learned and grown. The harder the year, the more I cling to God and the more I flourish. 11 years have gone by since my divorce. As I look at my kids, not to brag on myself, but I am almost in disbelief that this girl whose plan was to be a stay at home mom has raised two kids on her own who truly amaze me by who they have become. It is all Gods grace and the AMAzing people he has placed in my life to guide and help me as needed. It takes a village. This is living Proof that his plan always beats mine!! 
This year is going down in the record books as a game changer. Have u ever held on to something or someone far too long? Have you ever had this illusion of what your life was going to be? And maybe you just kept expecting for God to make it happen becAuse.... after all you knew what was best? Did you ever get mad because things didn't go your way? Maybe you even felt sorry for yourself because you thought you really weren't asking that much of him!
Well, this is the year I realized that the last I checked when I recited the Lords Prayer, it doesn't say my will be done. It says thy will be done. I honestly thought I got that concept. I knew my life had never turned out the way I thought it would, but a part of me still expected things to go my way down the road. With this big a ha moment, I realized that patience obviously isn't my strongpoint. So maybe just maybe God is trying to teach me to just wait on him, to wait on his will. It took me years to realize I didn't know what was best for everyone in my life, but I finally got that one. I can't change or fix anyone else and I don't need to impose my will on anyone. They are far better off in Gods hands for it is only an illusion when I believe they are in mine. I'm not sure why I excluded myself from this idea, but this is the year I throw my hands up and I say God, I'll have it your way. They tell me, all good things come to those who wait so I have decided with 11 years and counting, God must Have something far greater for me than I can ever imagine. Ladies, I am certain you will be drooling over the perfectly hot husband I get one day.
All kidding aside, This is the year I let go of expectations and I realize that not all dreams are meant to come true. I'm never going to stop dreaming, but Sometimes you just need to set the dream free, we all know it comes back if it's meant to be and if it doesn't God will give me new dreams. Im going to open up my heart, mind and soul and I'm going to enjoy every minute of the wait. I have a life with far more blessings than I can count. I am so grateful for all the love I receive daily from so many people in my life. I am forever grateful for all the angels he sends me to wake me up sometimes and push me towards him and I am blessed to not only be 44 but to be killing it!!

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