"Getting Back on the Saddle"


So let's say, you have just gone through a heartbreak. How much time should you take before you "get Back on the saddle?" Well, there is no set time but there are some set requirements on my checklist. Now keep in mind, it has taken me 43 years to have this awakening. Let's hope most of you don't take as long as I did. It's been a work in progress and with each break up, each relationship I learn more about myself. My friends here is my take on this stuff. Again I say, take what you like and leave the rest. It's all my opinions I express here.
Has anyone ever said to you, " it's not you, it's me?" Well if they have, and u find it stupid then it's time you Dig in and get what that means. You see what other people do, say, or even feel is really not about you. It's your ego that makes you believe it is. So let's just run through a typical breakup for all our sakes.
Let's say, You have had this significant other, they might have made u happy, they might have kept you from being lonely, possibly they were hot, or maybe they had enough money to wine, dine, and gift you, or maybe in your heart and soul they were the love of your life and you cannot believe they actually dumped you. What were they thinking? You are the best thing they will ever find. Well that's again your ego because it's not about you being the best thing they will ever find. Im certain you are. It's more about u being the best thing for them, and clearly you are not. Now here is number one on the checklist. You must know that you are 100% worthy of true unconditional love. You must know that God created you in his image and he created someone else just for you. You must not stay hung up long at all on the one who let you go because every day you spend stalking his page or trying to get her back is a wasted day. My personal detox is 2 weeks, but it has  been known to take two years. Progress not perfection, I say. Now that means... No contact, no stalking, nothing for two weeks. Move on. If you talk to them, if you text them, start it over. If they contact you, ignore them. Remember they left you. Don't dare give them an inch. If necessary block them. You have to get them out of your system before you even think about another date. Trust me. I use to think the best way to get over someone was to move to someone else. It's not!!!!! At least not if you truly want to find the one.
So second rule of thumb, do not throw stones at your ex. Do not blame it all
On him and please Do not go around whining about how wrong she did you. You were a partner in the relationship and had it been meant to work my friends, it simply would have worked. Don't look at their issues. Look at yours. What kept you in the relationship? Did you ignore red flags? Did you realize there was a problem? Big one here. Highlight it, mark it, never forget this question in any situation you get in, how did it make you feel? Your feelings don't lie to you, but your thoughts do! I use to be the queen of thinking my way into things. I thought we were happy. I thought we were meant to be together. I thought he loved me. Blah blah blah. Too much thinking people. Did you truly feel those things when the thinking was off the table? Did his or her actions coincide with your thoughts?? Love is not a noun. It is a verb, better yet an action verb. Ponder on these things for me please.
The third item is the most important thing! It is the key to a healthy loving relationship. If you want to find the one, I challenge you to become the one. Make a list of all the things you want in a partner. You want them to love you? Well love yourself. You want them to dance with you, dance with yourself. Ladies, you want them to support you, please learn how to support yourself. Men you want them to respect you, then become the person you can respect. My mom told me at the age of 15 that no one could make me happy but myself. I think I spent 20 plus years preaching it, but never actually doing it. When you become 100 percent happy with yourself when you are everything on that list then guess what? Someone is going to ride up on a white horse or appear in the coffee shop next to you. Needing someone to make you happy will never cut it. Make YOU happy, then someone you want to be with who can add to that happiness will come along. 
My final words here are for those of you who feel hopeless, or maybe you have been hurt so badly you are too scared to ever try again or Maybe you get in relationships but you are too scared to open up. Listen to me here. Take this to heart. Fear and faith cannot coexist. Have faith in yourself, believe in yourself, learn to love yourself by letting God live in you. Let him work on you daily. Let him use you any way he can. If you do all the things above, guess what? You are not the same person who got their heart broken into tiny pieces. You are the strong girl or man who got over it, learned about themself , and fell in love with themself . That girl nor that man Will make the same choices they did before. Things will be different as you Become different. But do me a favor. Thank the good Lord above for that man and that woman you use to be because it was their strength through their struggles thAt got you where you are today. Whether you find that person tomorrow or next year. Your winning because you can and will find happiness within yourself, and all that my friends is what I find to be the key to "getting back on the saddle" I close with a favorite quote,  "God doesn't give you the people you want, he gives you the people you need to help you, hurt you, even  love you... to make you YOU!!" Eventually you will realize what you need will  become  everything you ever wanted. 


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